do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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