That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"