Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday