I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*