Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday