Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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