Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.