Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol