Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!