let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
