I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
