please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
