at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize