She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize