ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
