come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
