**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I bet he comes in French.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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