Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
