I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up under a house in Key West
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