apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize