Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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