How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
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i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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