Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
