i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
