you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
