So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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