Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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