Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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