Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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