Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably