Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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