I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there