We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.