i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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