I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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