I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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