Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize