After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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