The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
