He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And then he peed in my hair
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