What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
