just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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