I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
