I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Holy shit dude........stairs
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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