Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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