there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So much rum. So many feels.
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Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex