I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like