My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
