His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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