No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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