I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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