I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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