i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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