i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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