If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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