I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
