It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
