its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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