some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
