I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
