If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
